Our 4 Step Guide to Surviving the Holiday Season as a College Student
By Jody Bell
I could feel my heart beating out of my chest on the ride home from the airport.
It was the start of my Thanksgiving break during my Freshman year of college ‒ the first time I would be visiting home as a brand new college student. I was ridiculously excited ‒ I’ve always had a close relationship with my parents and I genuinely couldn’t wait to share my new stories and experiences with them. I spent the night before my trip journaling and writing down the top 10 stories I had to tell them.
Yet, as I rode my Uber to the airport and saw my college dorm disappear into the rearview mirror, anxiety started to creep in.
“What if they judge me and the stories I have to share?”
“What if they don’t like how I’m dressing?”
“How am I going to cope with returning to my more restricted schedule?”
These questions piled up during my trip home, and by the time I actually saw my parents my Apple Watch was telling me I needed to meditate because of my rapidly beating heart and quick breathes. For some reason I was experiencing anxiety just because I was returning home for the first time and genuinely didn’t know what to expect.
This is the reality of many college students who are embarking on their first visit home after leaving for college; the rapid maturity and change in freedom that college-life provides can make the transition back into home-life a bit difficult.
The good news is, we’ve put together the top 4 steps you can take to minimize the tension and anxiety of returning home as a freshman in college.
1. Be transparent about your expectations of freedom and theirs
In high school you were probably used to curfews, scheduled dinners, and revolving your social plans around your family’s schedule. After college that might sound pretty constricting.
One of the biggest disagreements I’ve ever had with my family occurred when I told a friend I would attend her birthday party without first consulting my mom. Little did I know that she had bought family tickets to see a play during my visit. We both ended up saying things we now regret, and after a long discussion we realized that we just weren’t on the same page when it came to schedules. She still perceived me as a teenager who checked in with her before making plans, and I was now used to spearheading my own schedule. After a long deliberation, we came up with a compromise that adjusted each of our expectations surrounding my freedom and schedule.
I would recommend you have this conversation before you need it ‒ it is something that almost always needs to be addressed during visits, and I wish we had discussed it before a fight took place.
2. Discuss how your chores/responsibilities might change
One of the biggest appeals about coming home is the expectation of having your family doing your laundry, cooking your meals, and tidying up your living space.
Well, guess what…your family is probably looking forward to you coming home as a responsible young adult ready to pull your own weight. Your parents may have even taken on other hobbies, jobs, or responsibilities since you’ve been gone to pass time that they aren’t spending taking care of you. This unsaid shift in expectation can cause some serious tension, so it’s best to have a conversation about it.
If you don’t think a conversation is necessary, just try to pose questions as opposed to laying on expectations. For example, if you have dirty laundry, don’t just toss it in the laundry room like you did in high school; instead, ask your parents if they wouldn’t mind adding your clothes on laundry day.
3. Make sure you have time for yourself
With friends, family, and festivities all around, it can be easy to forget self-care and the importance of some you-time.
College-life is drastically different from home-life, and even with perfect communication and minimized family tension, there will inevitably be some heightened feelings/sensitivities. It is crucial that you take some time to practice the activities and self-care oriented pastimes you did in college, and that you try to do so solo. For me, I started yoga during my freshman year, and maintaining my routine and schedule while visiting home greatly helped in my transition as it was one of the few constants during my travels. Plus, it gave me time to recharge, relax, and take a breath between constant activities with friends and family.
4. When inevitable tensions do arise, don’t ignore them
Tension is a byproduct of any sort of transition, but that doesn’t mean that tension has to result in a huge fight.
When I first visited home, I was incredibly excited to share stories, experiences, and details about how my persona and life have changed in college. Yet, when I saw my parents and they were asking about college life, I suddenly felt overwhelmed. My reaction was lashing out, and after a bit of a fight I responded to their questions with classic one-word answers. After reflecting on this, I realized that was completely unnecessary; I was feeling tense because of anxiety surrounding being judged, yet, I did want to share my life with them. I explained to them how I was feeling, apologized, and suggested that over the visit I’ll share stories/experiences on my own terms until I’ve adjusted a bit. After that conversation, the rest of our interactions went smoothly ‒ we just had to talk it over and get to the root of the tension.
Do you see a common theme here? I hope so ‒ because transparency and open communication is the go-to solution for the vast majority of family conflicts. Tension is completely inevitable ‒ and it’s not always a bad thing! In fact, tension is the warning sign that tells us when a conversation is necessary. Understanding this, and taking the time to have open communication, is going to be the only thing that can diffuse tension and avoid fights during the holiday season.
Jody Bell, 20 is Girls With Impact’s Editor in Chief and a program graduate from Greenwich High School. Girls With Impact is the nation’s only online, business and leadership program for girls 14-24, turning them into tomorrow’s leaders, entrepreneurs, and innovators.