The College Conversation: Coping with Stress Over the Holidays
By Jody Bell
I counted the cranberries on our Christmas-themed tablecloth in front of me. One. Two. Three. Four.
“Jody, have you heard back from the colleges you’ve applied to?”
Five. Six. Seven. “Yes!” The question immediately set off my internal dialogue. “And I’ve been rejected by 4 out of the 8 schools I’ve applied to. And every day I wake up frantically checking my phone to see which decisions come out that day. And at this point, what I thought were my ‘target’ schools are now considered ‘reach’ and I’ve had to change my ‘dream school’ twice now because I’ve been rejected by them both. And to be quite honest, I am struggling to even keep up with my classes because, amid rejection, anxiety, and uncertainty about what my future will look like, I am really not hyper-focused on memorizing the date of Abraham Lincoln's assassination for my AP U.S. history class.”
Eight. Nine. Ten. I held my tongue; my cousin didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of an anxiety-encrusted tirade about my college application process. I took a deep breath and squeaked out “Yup! A few. Still not sure where I’ll end up though.”
“Any idea what you may want to study?” asked my grandma.
Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hyper-fixate on counting each cranberry on the tablecloth. My thoughts were now spinning about colleges, majors, careers, and making my family proud through my collegiate endeavors. “To be quite honest, I’m not sure. Maybe business but that is a huge industry so I’m not sure what my focal point would be.”
Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. I pushed around the holiday-themed sugar cookies on the plate in front of me. I had to keep reminding myself that the ponderings of my family were valid - they love me and care about me, so their questions are more than natural. They don’t know that I’ve been looking forward to the holidays largely because it would be a break from the constant college chatter that I was faced with at school. It seemed like every other day I would see an Instagram story of a classmate announcing that they were going to an ivy league school. Of course, these were praised and touted around by the school; teachers would announce acceptances and college decisions to the class at least once a week. It’s a given that schools with statistically lower acceptance rates resulted in extra praise because of the selectivity required to get a spot there.
Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. “To be quite honest, the college application process is a bit stressful for me. I feel good about my standardized test preparations, applications, and the schools I’ve applied to, however, as I await my decisions there is truly nothing to do but wait. I’m happy to update you all on the application process, but I want to be transparent that it is a stressful process for me.”
As I lifted my eyes from the cranberries on the table in front of me I no longer felt the need to count. I met the eyes of my relatives across the table and saw their expressions soften in front of me. “That's totally fine! We would love to hear whatever you’re willing to share.”
I went on to discuss what I want in a college - the size, programs, culture, location, etc. As I was speaking, I started to visualize my life in college and felt excitement for the first time in weeks. By being transparent and having a stressful conversation on my own terms, I wasn’t fixating on the application process - I was fixating on my future.
If I hadn’t set these boundaries, I would have likely ended up trying to choke down my anxiety.
Yet, knowing this was something of importance to share with my family, we were able to meet in the middle, with my family feeling updated on my life, and a weight off my chest after finally talking about the aspects of the college process that make me genuinely excited.
The holidays are a time of bittersweetness for college applicants. You’ve likely been accepted to a few places, rejected by a few, and are anxiously waiting to hear back from additional institutions. During a period where you can quite literally do nothing but wait, you are now met with a slew of questions from loving and doting relatives excited to hear about your updates. While you should absolutely fill them in, it’s also important to honor your boundaries. If you’re like me, your classrooms and hallways had so much college chatter that it created a live feed update on which seniors got accepted to which college. The holidays at home are a chance to step away from the constant comparisons of college application processes. Finding respectful ways to communicate this to your family and give them enough updates to allow them to see into your application process, whilst being respectful, can leave both your family happy and you with slightly less stress.
Jody Bell, 21 is Girls With Impact’s Editor in Chief and a program graduate from Greenwich High School. Girls With Impact is the nation’s only online, business and leadership program for girls 14-24, turning them into tomorrow’s leaders, entrepreneurs, and innovators.