4 Ways To Master a Life Filled With Kindness: Upside and Coping Mechanisms to Bullying

By Jody Bell

October is National Bullying Prevention month; a time where we reflect on how we can spread kindness and love to others.  One out of every five students reports being a victim of bullying, so even if you haven’t experienced it, you most definitely know someone who has.

With our world shrouded in uncertainty, it is more important than ever to support and love one another, because truthfully you have no idea what someone else may be going through.

Jennifer Openshaw, CEO of Girls With Impact, spoke with Scarlett Lewis, Founder of the Choose Love Movement after her son, Jesse Lewis, was killed in the Sandy Hook shooting. Since that tragedy Lewis has committed to spreading a message of love and acceptance; teaching adults and children the social and emotional skills needed to have a life filled with positivity.

She encompasses her teaching into one formula:
“Courage + Gratitude + Forgiveness + Compassion-in-action.”

Here’s the breakdown of this formula, and how you could use it to get through bullying, or other tough life-moments.

1. Courage

Courage can show up in a multitude of ways – and a courageous action for one person may look completely different for someone else. Therefore, it’s important to start with just the recognition of courage and making personal goals for yourself.

Lewis also recommends trying to assess courage in a positive light, recognizing the benefits of adversity.

It’s something called post-traumatic growth, and as Lewis points out, this pain can push us “out of our comfort zones and into our growth-zones.”

Try your best to make small courageous goals for yourself, and take each one on with an optimistic mindset.

2. Gratitude

Gratitude can offset some of the negative feelings that come with bullying, or even everyday life.

Sometimes it feels like there is simply nothing to be grateful for, and truthfully this can feel utterly hopeless. However, you have plenty to be thankful for – from the air you breathe, to the food you eat. It can be hard to always be thankful of these things, so Lewis recommends incorporating gratitude into your daily schedule.

Each night try to write down three things that you are grateful for. Then, in the morning go and walk outside to breathe the fresh air while you reflect on your gratitude list from last night.

Once you’ve got this down, try to change your speech; instead of saying “I have to go do homework”, say “I get to go do homework.” There are plenty of people in the world who would love an opportunity to do the errands and chores that you despise, so it’s time we treat them with gratitude as well.

With enough practice these small changes and actions will become habits, and you’ll be one step closer to having a gratitude-based-mentality.

3. Forgiveness

To forgive is not to forget, but rather to let go of the past pain and move on.

This can sound terrifying – maybe even impossible – but it’s a necessary step in freeing yourself from the pain of bullying. Lewis broke down forgiveness into two steps; both forgiving someone who hurt you, and in turn, forgiving yourself.

Forgiving someone else, especially a bully, is difficult given the anger that victims feel. Yet, it’s important to note that the anger you feel might be exactly what is pushing your bully to be so cruel. In fact, many bullies are victims of bullying themselves. This doesn’t excuse their actions, but it can make moving on, and forgiving them, a bit easier.

The second step is forgiving yourself. For victims of long-term bullying, the constant onslaught of hurtful words can affect their self-esteem. Try to make time to reflect on what happened; Lewis recommends looking in the mirror and saying, “I forgive you, I love you, and I accept you.” While this may feel odd at first, it’s a good way of proving daily affirmations for yourself and getting into the habit of self-love.

4. Compassion-in-action

As the final step in the equation, compassion-in-action encompasses courage, gratitude, and forgiveness.

In many respects, that’s why this step of the equation is the hardest; you are practicing facets from each part of the equation. This means you are actively making gratitude lists, practicing daily affirmations, and making courageous goals for yourself.

Similarly, it is understanding that all the love and kindness you are putting into the world and into yourself, will come back to you.

If you are experiencing bullying yourself, start with these steps but make sure you also speak with a trusted adult. Similarly, if you know someone who is being bullied, try to reach out to them and get them the help and support they need. 

Even if bullying isn’t a large aspect of your life, try to incorporate these steps into your schedule; it will help you lead a life full of love, kindness, and positivity.        

Jody Bell, 19, is Girls With Impact’s Chief Editor and a program graduate. Girls With Impact is the nation’s only online, after-school, entrepreneurship program for teen girls, turning them into tomorrow’s business leaders and innovators.